How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen
·2 mins
Here are my takeaways from reading the book:
- Playfulness instead of giving orders. For e.g., “the nail clipper is hungry and wants some baby nails”.
- Problem solving. “We have a problem and we need ideas to solve it. Can you think of some?”
- Write all ideas down even if they are absurd. Go through them again to pick one solution.
- Give information.
- Describe the feeling, with the same rigor as the feeling. For e.g., show frustration while saying something like “you get frustrated while sitting in the car seat for a long time”.
- Acknowledge feelings. “You are unhappy that we need to leave the park and go back home.”
- Write a note or draw pictures. “You want to buy this car? Let me write it in our wishlist so that we don’t forget.”
- This works even if kids can’t read.
- Offer (genuine) choices. Don’t be a dick by offering superficial choices (like “do you want to get in the car or do you want to be smacked”).
- Hire their help. “I have an important project, can you help me with that?”.
- Imagine things with them. Fantasize. “I wish we had a house made of ice cream.”
- Adjust your expectations. Sometimes, they might just be having a bad day, might be hungry etc.
- At a party where the kid meets a lot of new people, it is natural if he feels intimidated. (I myself do sometimes.) Don’t label them by saying “oh, he is just shy”. Instead, “he will join you when he’s ready.”
- Don’t say “good job” mindlessly or praise them unnecessarily.
- If they are doing good, describe (in some detail) what they did. “Look, you drew a nice circle.”
- If they fail or are struggling, describe the effort and whatever progress they made. “You tried hard to stick these 2 pieces together.” Don’t praise or console falsely. (How would you feel if, when you failed, someone told you, “don’t worry, that’s how life is” or “you did a good job”.)